Focus

To date, I have five more pounds to lose and an inch to get back into my pre-baby size. Although the numbers may be the same, I'm never going to be the same old me... because I am no longer the selfish vain brat who used to fuss over every so little details just because I think the world should revolve around me LOL! I would be the MOM version of myself...

I would want to lose maybe a couple more inches off in the midsection, erase the stretchmarks, tighten the sagging skin and boobs, and more... but that's not the focus anymore. I need to get to that 150 triglyceride mark or even below, increase my good cholesterol to 5o up, and maintain my blood pressure. These are the numbers that matters.

Other issues that I need to pay attention to:

• my bad knee, I have to see an ortho
• perhaps visit an OBGyn and figure out what has been going on with my fibroids
• sleep well
• smile often

Of Feeling Great and Laziness

I wish I can exercise daily... that would be ideal, at least five times a week (break on weekends hehehe!). Lately, to even do it every other day is a struggle... I notice that it takes so much to drag myself just downstairs to hit the cross trainer/elliptical, but when I do it gives me this exhilirating feeling wishing I could do it more often in a day. It's an hour worth of my time...

So what keeps me from doing this daily? Let me see:

• staying up late most of the times which leads me to feeling sluggish the whole day
• too many chores to do, tons of desk work, and whatnots
• a lot of online time other than work
• naps
• and utter laziness

I should resolve to do it daily. I should try to do it daily. I should not go back to sleep once the husband leaves the house for work. I might as well hit the gym and sweat the stress out... but isn't sleep good too? Hehehe!!!

Lose Weight, Not Loosen It!

It has become a pet peeve every time I read something about "loosing" one's weight. What? How can you even try loosening your weight, unless you intend to keep that paunch or grow that belly. It's pretty much nothing... so never mind.

Anyhoo, I check the mirror and not that happy yet with my mid section. It is still very far from my target waistline. If ever I get to that mark, I wonder (and hope) the flabs would go away too. For what does a tiny waist do when chubs of lard are still visible? I know triglycerides are still there lurking and waiting for their cruel come back. Argh! Maybe it's vanity, but it's really about my health... my heart health.

I feel lighter but I feel more lazy. I skipped working out for over a week already. I jump started my weekend with bursts of sprints, weights, and abdominals last night. I hope it shocked my body alright.

Now, I am fantasizing of trotting in skinny jeans, tank top, and stilettos! Wah, note the word fantasize because I will never ever wear stilettos again. Why should I punish myself? But the tank top and skinny jeans is doable... if and only if I'd get that sexy back LOL! I am tired of people asking me when I am due or how far long I am. I don't wish to see people who keep saying I have gained so much weight. It is true, I am not going to deny it. I just can't help but feel a bit pissed when I hear it. Next time, I am not going to be nice. {Some of these people are used to my barely 90lbs frame... I wish I can tell them how ugly they've become over the years, that would be awesome hahaha!!!}

"I'm not gonna eat today, and I'm not gonna eat tomorrow... coz I want to be a supermodel!" Do you remember this song back in day? It was one of the soundtracks of the movie Clueless... hehehe! It's funny though, but I'm never going to starve myself.

What this post is entirely about, is as hazy as the clouds outside hehehe! I just feel like ranting about this belly which remained almost four years post partum. Syet!

I am reading a book about motherhood and how it has taken a toll on her body and sanity. I can still painfully remember the way I think about myself in those days. Why did I ever allow myself to feel that way? Why? Darn! I do not know that person anymore, I wish to never meet her again... because I am not going to LOSE myself over loosen skin!

Have a healthy week everyone =)